Thursday, July 15, 2010

Why I F*%@in' Hate Facebook...

This might be a more of rant than a blog post...I added a Public Service Announcement that contains something about dating, so there...

The title of this post is blasphemous to some, downright sacrilegious to others. 

Well, guess what? You and Facebook should just get married and have little evil Facebook babies with a lowercase "f" tatted on their stupid foreheads.

Granted Facebook is a great way to keep in touch with people that you don't want to talk to on the phone, but now with all the foofy additions and games and ads and stalkers, the face of Facebook has turned downright ugly.

Why do I hate Facebook so much (besides the fact that Mark Zuckerberg sells all our personal info and changes the privacy settings every 2 minutes) ? Let me count the ways:

1. I have an "alias" on Facebook. The reason?   I was sick of random friend requests from people I didn't know. I also didn't want my job or a job I was applying for to find me and my drunken, half naked, very inappropriate pictures...they wouldn't take me seriously. 

So, I changed my name to a moniker that only  my close friends know.  There is no trace of my actual name on Facebook...I have checked and other people have double-checked, but when you search my name (my real name)  my profile still pops up.  WTF? Facebook, really?  I am trying to hide all my hotness from people, OBVIOUSLY, and you are making this really hard for me to do. AND I actually get MORE friend requests than I did before.  You DO NOT know this person, the name is fake!

Anybody out there successfully have a fake identity on Facebook?  Please tell me how you did it...thanking you in advance.

2Facebook is not MySpace.  Well, it wasn't.  Facebook was like Safe Sex...MySpace was like the "Red Light District"... for the more risque.   Remember when Facebook was just for college students and alumni ? Back then you could keep the crazy antics and pictures between you and your classmates.  MySpace was there for...everybody else. Now, Facebook is for the general public...including family members and co-workers.  Let's face it, there is a side of us that these people should NEVER see.  Hence, my alias...which completely freakin backfired anyway.

It almost makes sense to have two Facebook accounts; one for the drunken antics and a "professional" account.  But who the fuck wants to go through all that?  Now, my Grandma and a few co-workers, know my "alter-ego"and what happens when Jose Cuervo and I get together... WTF!?

3.  Who knew that friends of friends could see your pictures too?  I sure as shit didn't, until recently, when the Baby Mama of an Ex Friend with Benefits decided to comment on almost all my pictures.  They must have had a conversation about me at one point for her to find me because I didn't know this bitch from Adam.  Why? Because I'm the shit...but anyway...

So I go to the confusing ass privacy settings and lock all that down.  I feel like this extra step took 5 minutes of my life, that I can never have back.  Why the hell are friends of friends aloud to look at MY pictures by fucking default?  That stupid biatch AND the Ex Friend with Benefits...BLOCKED. 

4. The "poking" feature.  You can't "poke" me in real life weirdo, so don't effin poke me virtually either.  WTF does that mean anyway? Are you trying to get my "virtual" attention? 

NOTIFICATION: You have been "poked" by some stupid ass who apparently has nothing to say, but wants to molest you online.

5.  The "like" button.  People "like" the most inappropriate things. 

STATUS: My Grandma died today...sad :-(.  

This status was "liked by 5 people."   WHAT?

I need a "dislike" button.  Can I have one of those?  So I can dislike statuses of people who think Facebook is a free therapy session and also those who "like" their own statuses. Who does that?

6.  Virtual farms and sororities.  I just want to see how my friends are doing, view pictures of their vacations and maybe how big the kids are getting.

I do not, however, want to see my 36 year old friends sending each other farm animals and asking for help to build a barn.  WTF are you doing up at 2 in the freakin morning playing online games.  Online games are fine, but the fact that you bought a LIGER for stupid ass fake farm should not be in my flipping Newsfeed.  Speaking of the Newsfeed...

7.  The Newsfeed sucks (and blows)... Why is it default that when I add a friend or write on someone's wall that it's in the Newsfeed?  How the hell is that news? 

Why does my Newsfeed look like my Spam inbox for my Yahoo! account? Becky sent Gerald a heart! or John took a quiz about you! Who the fuck is John and when did I make a quiz and send it out?

If I write on someone's wall, why is it in the Newsfeed? Yeah, if you go to this person's page, you can see our conversation, but does it really need to be broadcasted?

There is no number eight because this isn't really Facebook's fault (imagine that).  It is the fault of the (ab)users of Facebook.  The following public service announcement is purely opinion and if you don't agree, than simply bitch about it in the comments...


If you are dating someone who seems insecure or gets jealous easily, for the love of chocolate DO NOT accept their friend request.  If you do, you are asking for trouble.  Let someone post one wrong thing or someone TAGS you in a picture that shows you in a compromising position...

I repeat, DO NOT friend request or accept the friend request of a person you are dating. Better yet, BLOCK them, it's as if you never existed in Facebook universe.  If they are already your friend...un-friend them.  Doing this, you can have one less argument.  It's not about trust or hiding something...you cannot control what other people say about you or the pictures they post (unless you threaten bodily harm), but you CAN control what people see (at least until our friend Mark Zuckerberg changes the privacy settings again.) That is all...

After voicing my frustration to many people, now including you, my friend Candy Pants (don't ask)  told me to try Twitter.  She described it as, "Facebook without the fluff." 

So, I signed up and I must say, I like Twitter.  It really is Facebook...no fluff.  I can follow and then unfollow with no remorse and there are no games, ads, or stalkers etc.  I am happy in Twitter world, for right now; it reminds of Facebook circa 2003-2005, when I liked it.

I keep my Facebook page just to stay on top of the happenings around town, but I can only take it in small doses.  Once or twice every two weeks is enough.  The fact that I might actually have to set up a Facebook page for my blog so I can have more than 2 followers makes me throw up a little, but hey, you do what you gotta do. 

How do you feel about Facebook... Love it, Hate it...hope a black hole would open up and swallow it or wish that it was never born?


Queenie said...

Personally, I liked to be poked (har, har) but yeah, Facebook is turning into MySpace, My Dad calls it Spacebook. haha Old timers.

TJ Lubrano said...

Oooooh same here!! I seriously don't like all these annoying changes that happens every freaking day on FB! And the sneaky part is, you don't get a notification that there are changes on the way. One day you log on and BAM you get a note that there are changes and that they were so polite enough to change ALL privacy settings so that everyone can see everything! So back I go changing it all to private again -_-.

I do use TJ Lubrano as my profile name, but that's because I use the profile for my blog too. I don't want to have multiple accounts for everything I do, unless I really really have too. The games are annoying me a lot too. I wished FB went back to how it was before. Simple and fun to use. I never thought I would like twitter better too haha!

Lady! I really love the way you write ^_^. Keep it up! I'm pretty sure you'll have tons of readers soon!

Have a nice weekend ahead!!

Jazz Stanton said...

@Queenie...you are SO bad and I LOVE it...ha ha. Spacebook, that's a good one or how about MyFace?...LOL

@TJ.. always nice to see your smiling face! Thanks for the encouragement.

And I'm just sayin'...when Facebook first started it, it was great. Just like Twitter but with pictures. Now it just has WAY too much going on.

Andrew G. Carson said...

Hi Jazz, the whole facebook thing has passed me by and I’m f***ing grateful for that. A blogger friend of mine had his identity stolen on facebook and he had to send a photo of himself holding up a sign saying I’m the real “so and so” what is that s*** all about ? This tool who stole his identity on the site somehow also took out a credit card in his name and charged $5,000 on it. My friend had to then fly to the States from his native Canada and prove he didn’t spend that money or have that credit card. It seems like a lot of annoying s*** to go through to talk to people that for the most part really p*** him off in my opinion. This was a great blog post and I find it refreshing to hear someone dis facebook as most people seem to be drinking Mark Zuckerberg kool-ade.

Anonymous said...


Laelani Stone said...

LMAO this is the funniest RANT ever hahahahaha I will read this again when I need a laugh

Jazz Stanton said...

@Andrew...what happened to your friend is terrible and I hope they reimbursed him for everything

@anonymous...facebook has evolved over time into what it is now. Like I said in the post, "old" facebook was great. A lot of people use facebook for promotional reasons, because it does reach a large audience and you would be dense not to advertise on the largest social networking site in the world.

Yes, cell phones are for communication, but do I want to give 500 people who claim to be my friend because they like my profile picture personal info like that?...uh no.

Annah said...

Bahahhaha LMAO at "My grandma died today!" Five people liked this. Ahhhh :) That was funny.

PrincessBeks said...

ha ha!! i love this! so true it should have dislike button, maybe we should suggest that ha ha!
I dont understand poking either, what is that all about, and to believe my ex used to get jealous of other lads poking me... WHAT!!!!

Jazz Stanton said...

LOL...maybe he should have been jealous, I mean the word "poke" can be dirty depending on who's using and most of the time it was some creeper...

Thanks for coming by!

Mira said...

My FB profile is fictitious too. I just searched for my "real" name and didn't come up. ^_^

Maybe the difference is that I use it mostly to make *new* connections. I realize that most people I friend will be people that I barely know. That's why I put NO personal info on mine. No family, no address, no phone numbers, etc.

To be honest, even if it was a "real" account I still wouldn't put those details out there. If I want someone to call me I will contact them directly. There's no reason to just post my phone # for all to see.

Jennifer Ann..... said...

beyond funny and so true !

Post a Comment

Say What!?


Related Posts with Thumbnails