Friday, July 2, 2010

Friends With Benefits: The Rules

A friend with benefits is by definition a person put in place to ummm...help with urges AKA pent up sexual frustration.

There may come a time when you’re in between relationships and you’re not ready for another one—yet you miss the companionship (and you are also not getting any on a regular basis anymore.)

There are always options available…

1. Do nothing and wait for the next one or buy some toys (that are not available from Toys ‘R’ Us).

2. Have sex with the Ex (not a good idea AT ALL)

3. Procure a friend with benefits

Obviously, the best option is number one. Number two is completely off-limits; don’t do it and you can’t say I didn’t warn you. Number three, if you so choose to do so, comes
with limitations and you must be cautious.

First of all, only certain kinds of people can participate in this type of “special” relationship. If you are:

• Hung up on labels (read about labels here)
• Overly emotional
• Prone to fall in love (or infatuation) quickly
• Are the jealous type
• You like to be in control of EVERY situation

This is not something that you should get into and your feelings WILL get hurt in the end.

A good candidate for friends with benefits has had a one night stand (or think they could have one) and left that night feeling no remorse. They also see no issue with not knowing the person’s name and number and never seeing them again. Actually, hoping they never see them again. This isn’t a sure fire test, but if you think you can handle a one night stand than friends with benefits is a breeze. I mean it is essentially a bunch of one night stands; just with the same person, and you know them, and you'll see them again.  OK, maybe it's NOT like a one night stand, but you get my point.

Here are THE RULES:

1. It is strictly about sex and having fun, but mostly, about sex.

2. You may not spend the night.

3. The only calls or texts should be about when your going to meet, where, and what you are about to do when you get there.

4. Friends with benefits do not discuss relationship/dating issues or any other problems you’re having—save it for someone who gives two shits.

5. You may not be friends with benefits with a person you were once in a relationship with. This is NOT about feelings; it’s about satiating a primal need.

6. If you start to have feelings for this person… I mean you like them, like them (yeah, I went grade school on you) … cease and desist immediately. Relationships that began with sex usually don’t work.

7. Last but certainly not least; when it’s over, it’s over; finished, the end, game over. Delete numbers, erase texts and call logs. I don’t care why it’s over; one of you found someone, it just ran its course. The need has been fulfilled and you’re done.

If this is something that might work for you, hey, go for it—you only live once. Usually, one party involved messes up everything, just like everything else in life.

Just make sure you play by the rules boys and girls…


Have you ever been in a friend with benefits situation?

Would you add more rules or don’t agree with one of mine?


Anonymous said...

Wow. I like option one. This really gives you something to think about at the end of the day. Also with this I will now need to reevaluate my situation. Thanks for the tips>

Jazz Stanton said...

Glad I could help. If your feeling unsure about the situtation, it is VERY important that you address this immediately. A friend with benefits is nothing to play with especially if you don't know where he/she stands. The best way to find out...ASK! If you were bold enough to enter into this type of agreement with someone, you should be able to discuss anything your unsure about with them. Good Luck! Stop by again sometime...I'll be here.

Keyara said...

I am not the friends with benefits type, but I have nothing against it. I agree that you should RUN if you have any emotions attached...i've seen too many get hurt.

Kai Phoenix said...

Enjoyed reading the psot and it made me think! I've had a few friends with benefits situations:

1. The guy wanted more than just sex and so that didn't work out

2. Is exactly what you describe above but I got bored (I've had these guys more than once). Rule #2 was usually involved but it always made a bit "argh" not sure why...must be my female hormones! These were all more acquaintances who I would ring up after a night out!...

3. The guy I'm sleeping with at the moment is unusual...we are friends, we keep in contact, when together we are fairly coupley but there are NO feelings and it just seems to work (at the moment!)

In my opinion you have to find a nice balance, a friend with benefits should be exactly that! A FRIEND.

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