Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Cry Me a River...

I had actually forgotten about this date, but Jen from Party Girl Plus One sort of "reminded" me when I was watching one of her videos.

As bad as this date was, it is no wonder it was buried in the dark and dreary recesses of my subconscious. Well, enjoy...

My friends and I were having the usual "Girl's Night Out" one Saturday and this guy approaches me; we talk for a while about random shit...the only thing I really remember from that conversation is that he called me beautiful (he obviously has GREAT taste...3 points for him!).

I got really good vibes from him; he was well dressed all the way down to the shoes, nice body (yay for muscles!) and he smelled REALLY good...(I love it when a man wears great cologne, it is a HUGE turn on and it means they pay attention to details.)

He called me a couple days later and we had an awesome conversation.  He was smart, educated, and funny-- we ended up talking for like two hours.  I didn't want it to end, but I had to work in the morning.

Before the call was over, he asked me out on a date for that Saturday.

Fast forward to Saturday...

We were going to go out to eat and catch a movie, but it was cold, rainy and downright depressing...(normal, shitty Ohio weather.So we decide to have a movie night in... I just threw on an Aeropostale t-shirt and some snug fitting jeans and went to his house.

The movie completely sucked big ones, so we start talking.  At first, it's just normal conversation, but then he starts talking about past relationships and I'm like, "Here we go..."

I actually managed to redirect the conversation to something else, but then he started getting all philosophical and shit. Which is fine...whatever...but then this guy's eyes started tearing up: (We'll just call him "Cry Baby", CB for short."

CB: I mean the past two years have been really rough...

Me: Really...? (Zzzzzz)

CB: Yeah, I had a great job and I wasn't happy.  It was too stressful, I thought being a financial advisor was what I wanted, but it just isn't for me.

Me: Wait, you had a job?  (Why me?)

CB: (Sniffle)  Yeah, but I think everyone should just do what makes them happy. (Where does this dude live, fucking Candyland?...Seriously?)

Me: Well, how long did you work there?

CB: 3 months. (Wow, can you say commitment phobia?

Me: So, you just quit.  Like, one day, you said, "Hey, I don't want to be here anymore! I QUIT F**KERS!" ???

Side note: Now, I am all for spontaneity, but this is real life. I absolutely HATE my job, but I need it to reach my goals. If you're going to do some shit like this, I need you to have a back-up plan.  That is all.

CB: (In full blown cry mode at this point.) See, (sniff) that's what you women do, you just judge, without trying to understand.

Me: I am not judging, but apparently you aren't happy with your decision either....You.  Are. Crying. (and freaking me out.)

CB: I'm just sens(sniff)itive. I just felt I could share things with you.  (Not your nasty ass snot, Bozo.)

Me: Oh. (Whatever, call me a stone-cold bitch if you want, but WTF was I supposed to say? I'm not good with criers.)

CB: But, I have a plan. (Oh yeah?)

Me: Oh yeah?  

CB: Yes, I am going to be a clothing designer. (He says this as he "nonchalantly" wipes snot on my shoulder.)

Me: A...designer... (Not only was he crying, but at this point, I thought he was gay too.)

CB: I just love fashion...want to see my new Louis Vuitton wallet? (Yep...gay.)

Me: OK, well good thing you have a back-up plan...good luck with that.  I hate to cut the night short, but I have homework and stuff.  So...see ya.

You see what I did there?  That was an escape sentence...it means, "I want to leave, right now."  He didn't take the hint...he talked for like another hour or so.  I say HE talked, because he was pretty much talking to himself...I might as well have been a wall. 

 All I did was nod and smile.  Eventually, I said I had to go to the bathroom, and my plan was to just go for the EXIT, since I had taken my purse and coat with me (yes, I planned my escape.)

To my complete and utter horror, he was waiting for me outside the door.  He lunged for me and tried to kiss me! 

That was when I figured he wasn't gay, but I couldn't help but wonder at what point in this date he thought that I would have been turned on?

The crying?  The lack of initiative to keep a job? The chronic complaining he just did for 4 hours? 

Yeah baby, that's HOTT!...

Ummm...NOT... I nearly kicked him in his meatballs trying to escape.

Yes, ladies and gents, I made him cry on the first date.  I didn't know how to react to this rush of emotion.  I mean I am all for guys showing their "softer" side, but for Snookie's sake, really? 

Needless to say, the Cry Baby and I have not been on another date.  He kept calling for a awhile and then resorted to stalking me on F**kfacebook. 

Thanks for reading another one of my heinous dating stories and feel free to send me your own stories, questions or advice (or if you're just pitiful and lonely)  @ thedateexperiment@gmail.com.

P.S.  Jennifer Dawson of Party Girl Plus One, in all her awesomeness, wrote about my blog on her video series web page, check out what she said by clicking here!


PrincessBeks said...

What a disaster Date!!
That sounded worse than watching paint dry lol!!
When i have any first date with a guy i always have a back up plan to leave if things arnt going well, the txt from a friend or phone call from the mum works a treat, might be worth doing that if you ever get into this boring and rather humiliating (for him lol) situation again.
if only he could read this too.

Emma Murty said...

Hello Jazz, whoa I was cringing for that guy I would have legged it when he mentioned he was into fashion, I have a motto “Never trust a guy who dresses better than you do it means he’s one step away from coming out the closet”, ROTFL. I just wanted to say thanks again for letting Drew post our date on your blog he’s so wary of talking about us on his blog as he thinks it will alienate some of his readers so we’re doing what I like to call “online footsie“- flirting on his comments page well when people aren’t claiming to be me that is, I love your blog and look forward to reading your next adventure.


Jazz Stanton said...

@Princess...I know right? When he started crying I was stunned at first, but then I just wanted to burst into hysterical laughter!

@Emma...I am so happy you visited and you guys are welcome to share anything you like on my blog, it was my pleasure to read the story and share it with others.

I like to read Andrew's movie reviews, but personally, what keeps me coming back is the insight into his life, that now includes you. It's what sets his blog apart from others. So, you can tell him I said that... Thanks for stopping by!

PrincessBeks said...

i do agree with Emma, such a cringe moment and to be honest i dont know how you held back just laughing right in his face!I know some guy's are more sensitive but thats taking the P*** lol

BigGiantHat said...

Not your nasty ass snot, Bozo.


Funny, funny stuff. And he deserved to cry. And to possibly be tazed!

Zap some sense into him.


Anonymous said...

Cry Me A River was funny......I probably would have the same response....REALLY you "F"ing Bitch......I agree I like to see a guys softer side but not on the first date.....straight turn off......I don't have time to be a shrink......I'm trying to get laid....Fuck being a should to cry on........

Jess said...

What a disaster! This guy was just pitiful. Loved the Candyland comment.

You're hilarious. Kudos.

Stela James said...

is so cool date i like hearing from you dude keep it up.
you have well conversed the meaning of shut up.

home jobs

Jennifer Ann..... said...

wow what a date.. great stuff-- Jen

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