Monday, July 26, 2010

What The F**K Did You Just Say To Me?

The Pick-up Line...

Just the phrase "Pick-up Line" is frightening.  I mean, it is essentially a string of words put together in order to engage (horrify) the opposite sex.  

I asked some of my fellow Bloggers to contribute the worst Pick-up Lines they had ever heard and WOW, did they come through!

I chose ten of them and provided a link to the submitters blog, because their awesome!  So, check out these Bob awful Lines and then check out these super-fine blogs...

1.  "If you're not too busy throwing up, I'd love to buy you a drink."  
--Andrew (The Housebound Writer)

2.  "Is your mom a terrorist?"
      "Cause you're the bomb." 

--Antonia (Lifting Me Up

3.  "I am going to lick your arm to see if that tattoo is real and I might not stop there." 
--Claire (A Little Piece of Me and Other Bits and Pieces)

4.  "Are you a parking ticket?"
       "I'm sorry?"
       "You got fine written all over you."
--Funkeewebmistress (Funkkeejooce)

5.  "I lost my phone number can I have yours?"
--Meghan (Random Rediculous Rants)

6.  ::Smiles, beckons with finger::
      Assuming she's out of it enough to respond...
      ::Walks over::
      "If I can make you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole body..."

7.  "Girl, I'd like to take you home and crack that yolk." What the hell does that even mean?
--Both 6 and 7  were provided by AJ (Under My Fitted)

8.  "I will be Burger King and you can be McDonalds...I will have it my way and you will be lovin' it."
--Brent (tayappention

9.  "Doll, I'd wear you like a horse wears a feedbag."  I just threw up a little in my mouth...
--Bill (Bill's Blog) 
This happened to be my favorite one, it has a story to go with it.  The line isn't nearly as funny without the WHOLE story:

10.  When I was 15 I worked in a grocery store bagging groceries, well almost all grocery store cashiers are women, and some of them were pretty hot, so I heard a lot of bad pickup lines. The best ones are when the girl is kind of ditzy and doesn't get it. 

One time, this guy gets in line with something little like a pack of gum, and waits for a $100 order to go through, when other lines are open...I knew something good was coming out of this guys mouth.

He gets up, gets his one chance to make an impression and says "Are you from Tennessee?", she says "no?", then he replies with "Well you're the only Ten I See!", she stares at him for a second with a quizzical look on her face, then says "This is Florida.". 

Dude looks at her, then he looks at me. I shrug my shoulders, he walks out shaking his head. Then I explained to her what he meant as I laughed my ass off.  
-- FreakSmack (Funny Mugshots)

If someone said any of these to me, I would want to knee him in the Nuts.  Seriously, give me a Kit Kat, there really are people out there who think that these would work?

Whatever happened to, "Hi,..."? That simple little word goes so much further than 1 through 10. 

Can you think of anymore equally awful "Pick-ups"?  

Toodles, Biatches!

P.S. Tomorrow is VIDEO DAY!! F**K YEAH!



Antonia Blanca said...

Awesome! I knew me bursting out laughing in some dude's face years ago would pay in some way years later!! By the way, have I told you YOU'RE the bomb??? :-)

Jazz Stanton said...

Awww thanks, so are you! Thanks for participating!

Claire said...

I forgot to mention that the person that said that to me, had missing teeth and the teeth that were left, were black! I get all the hot blokes after me.

The only ones that can get away with shit like that are genuinely funny people that actually know they are bad pick up lines. Humour goes a lot further than cheesy/corny/vomit laden lines any day!

Jazz Stanton said...

I agree, if you can make me laugh, than you got an "in" right there.

Missing teeth and the rest were black...ewwww! LOL, he probably had ASS breath too!

Thanks for stopping by!

Kai Phoenix said...

Awesome post! I am ashamed to admit I have a weakness for a pickup line but only if it is done with humour, I love a bit of banter!

Jess said...

If you were a booger I'd pick you first.

A guy ACTUALLY used that one on me once. Hilarious.

These were great!

Home theater Seating said...

"Did you fart?"


"Because you just blew me away!"

Anonymous said...

#2 and #4 are the best.

Jazz Stanton said...

@Kai... as long as they are just being funny when they say stuff like this, that's OK, because I like a guy that can make me laugh. But if he's serious, he needs kicked in the Nads...

@Jess and Home...bodily functions should NEVER be included in the first conversation... Ewww...LMAO!

Emma Murty said...

These were hilarious Jazz I’ve had some bad ones in my time especially if they know I teach yoga I remember a guy saying to me ’I hear you’re a yoga teacher.’ I replied ’yes that’s right. ’So you can put your legs behind your head then? That I’d pay to see.’ My reply to this was a swift kick to his crotch, I find you can say so much without using words, lol.

Drew never used a pick-up line on me but he is very romantic and when we slept together for the first time and we were lying on the bed in each others arms I could feel his heart beating and I said ‘Whoa your heart’s really beating hard.’ and he said ‘It beats for you Ems.’ It wasn’t a line he actually meant it, how cool is that?

Jazz Stanton said...

Hey Emma!

He definitely deserved to be kicked in the Balls! lol

That is so cute, yep you got a good one for sure!

Latest Sms said...

I liked ur Title. "What the fk you jsut say to me?"

Anonymous said...

yeah, what happened to the simple "hi!"?!?
f*ck them corny pick up lines! lol.

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