Wednesday, June 30, 2010

One Step Forward... THE END

I know the saying is, "One step forward, two steps back."

Who wants to go backwards after you've made progress?

I'm talking about the EX of course.  The EX was demoted from boyfriend/girlfriend status for a reason.

Of course they want you back, because your AMAZING!

I recently saw my EX from two years ago at a party on Saturday.

Ours was not a good break-up... Well it was, until he called me TWO WEEKS later to tell me about every girl he had ever cheated on me with. (I know, right?)

I had a "WTF?" moment and then realized I really didn't care.

I had let go of him months ago because he was a complete
Skeeze. <<<<<  Is that a word? Oh well, it is now; my blog, my rules.

Anyways, he hasn't seen me in maybe a year or so and much has changed. My mindset and me physically. I don't want to sound conceited, but I look waaay better now. LOL!

Needless to say, when he saw me, he had to pick his face up off the floor.

I wish I had taken a camera the moment was priceless.

My hair and makeup...flawless.

Dress...classy and showed off just enough.

Shoes...4 inch Jessica Simpson's...grrrrr!

Every girl has a moment when they look in the mirror and its like... DAMN!   That was me on Saturday.

After he had gotten over his astonishment, he asked me how I was doing and blah, blah, blah...

Then, he asked me for my number...I've had the same number for 3 years now.

I told him he couldn't have it;  he then asked me was it the same and proceeded to ramble off my phone number FROM MEMORY...

SIDE NOTE:  Who remembers phone numbers anymore unless its like your mom or someone you dial constantly?  I mean, all of my numbers are saved in my phone, for the sole purpose of me NOT having to remember them. 

I lied and said no... (HAHAHA) and walked away.

Fast Forward to the end of the night. I'm walking in my door and my phone rings and its a number I don't recognize.

In a drunk and sleepy haze, I answer it.

Guess who decided to try my "old" number after all?:

Me: Hello?

The EX: Oh, you lied about your number?!

Me: (craaaaaaaaap)  Can I help you?

The EX:  You don't want to talk to me?

Me: Not really and especially not at 3 in the morning.

The Ex: Can we hang out sometime?

Me:  Ha Ha Ha Ha...Absolutely Not.

The Ex: Why, are you still mad about me breaking up with you?

Me: Ok, this may have escaped your memory because of all the reefer you smoke, but I broke up with you, because your an  ASS-hole.  SO, if there is nothing else, I am going to bed.  Good Day.  ::click::  ( and yes, I said Good Day, Fez style)

He called back twice that night and one time the next day.  I think he has given up.

I felt all fantastic (and still do) about how that turned out. It was like a Maury Povich "you effed up and look at me now shit-head!" moment.

Pressing the big red ignore button never felt so damn good.

Moral to the story boys and girls:  Do not go backwards. You may have changed, but more than likely your Ex is still the same douche you broke up with. 

Take it as a learning experience and move on with the satisfaction that they still haven't gotten over your Fabulous Self and someone else is willing to treat you better.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Making a List... Checking it Twice

There comes a time in every relationship when the honeymoon stage is over.

The flaws that were once not so obvious are tapping you on the shoulder.  Things that were once cute or quirky are now annoying as all hell.

You've become unsure of whether or not you should stay with this person.  This insecurity can put a damper on any relationship.

With any problem, there is a simple solution.  Looking at the situation methodically, you can evaluate if you should stay or go.

What do I mean?

You can weigh the good things against the bad...
Make a PRO or CONS list...literally write it down.

If the PRO list is longer than the CONS than you two could probably work it out. 

If the CONS list needs two more attachments of "continued onto the next page," you may want to go ahead and let this one go.

When it actually comes down to it, if something feels wrong or your overly irritated with this person ALL the time, then the relationship has probably run its course...it happens. 

You shouldn't stay in a relationship that is only being held together by a need or a fear of being alone; not healthy, AT ALL.

Follow your heart, learn from the relationship and move on.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

To The Haters...Direct Your Anger at The Right Person

I feel like I shouldn't have to post this and its actually more of a rant than a blog post, but it's my blog and I'll BITCH if I want to.  


Have you ever been in a situation where someone dislikes you for the wrong reason?  Their eyes roll when you walk in the room and if they do speak, it seems forced.

I have done things where a person should without a shadow of a doubt not like me-- at all. (Don't judge me.) If your one of those people, fine, I understand...Don't Like Me.  I could really give two rats asses.

But when its something really petty and juvenile, like...I MIGHT be dating the guy you like, get over it.

The SITUATION (Two Fist Pumps):

I'm at a party, having fun ...drinking, dancing and all of a sudden the atmosphere just changes.  I got an anxious feeling that something was going to happen.  At the risk of being clichĂ©...you could cut the tension with a knife.

I had no clue what was going on, so I asked and was told that one of the girls was pissed off because... 

Drum roll please...


No effin joke.

How insecure and juvenile can you be?  I mean, are we in Kindergarten? 

The funny thing was, I wasn't dating anyone there. 

Come to find out, there were girls there that still had feelings for ONE guy and he was being attentive to someone else.

OK, be angry about that....but be angry at HIM, not the girl, who has no clue about your past with this man and probably couldn't care less, because he was in her face not yours.

Obviously, he's not that into you and he still invited you here so he probably doesn't respect you that much either. 

Every woman deserves someone that will treat them with dignity and respect.  But respect isn't just given, you have to demand it or every man will use you as doormat and treat you the same.

So, before you evil, angry, vindictive Biatches get angry at the innocent bystander...STOP, think about it, and send him an evil text later before you delete his number from your phone, because he isn't worth the wasted energy being angry.

Monday, June 21, 2010

The First Conversation

The first conversation you have after meeting someone is one of the most important conversations...ever.   If the conversation flows the way it is supposed to, you'll have a better sense of who this person is and what you may have in common.

But,  have you ever had the awkward silence? I'm talking you can hear crickets in the background and the other person breathing.

If this has happened, one or both of you need to brush up on your conversation skills. 

You know absolutely nothing about each other and you can't think of anything to say?

After a few minutes, the person on the other end of the line will start to loosen up and get comfortable with you.  They feel more at ease answering your questions. This is when the "red flags" come up because they've let down their guard a little.

Ask about their interests or anything else you want to know.  I usually stay away from conversations about past relationships because I feel like whether they were good or bad you should learn from them and move ON TO THE NEXT ONE...♥♥♥

Friday, June 18, 2010

Guest Spotlight: First and Last Date with the Accordian Player

I went to get a henna tattoo yesterday and the henna artist, Alexa, told me about her date with the "accordion player."  I begged her to e-mail me this story and she did! I didn't change a thing, you can't make this stuff up!

 The story:

Alright,so I went out with this guy that I'd met once or twice and talked to for awhile who seemed pretty cool at first.

Turns out, he was 23, lived in his grand-parent's basement, didn't go to college or have any kind of career goals (he'd been working at some lame-ass restaurant/"catering service" for almost 4 years), was completely OBSESSED w/ Legos and Nerf guns and talked about his guitar collection all-the-time. Seriously; color-coded legos and an entire arsenal of nerf guns. Creeeeepy!

(Attached to this email is a "valentine" he made me...should've been a warning sign to NOT go out on an actual date w/ him...lesson learned.)

It's no wonder this dude is still single...he's a fucking man-child haha...

So for our first and LAST date, he picked me up and we went to dinner at a pizza place in Akron.

It was alright nothing too special and things seemed to be going okay.

Then we go down to the riverfront.

Mind you, there is snow and ice covering every inch of the ground, and for some reason I am in 5 inch peep toe pumps.

Needless to say, walking down the steps to get to the benches was not an easy task.

Once down said stairs, he proceeds to play a song...on his ACCORDION.

It was extremely awkward and I wished to God I could've left right then and there.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against that instrument. I've got a friend who plays it and he's one of the coolest people I know.

 I DO, however, have something against THIS asshat who played it on a first date and creeped me the fuck out lol.

The Valentine!...LOL
Hope you enjoyed that!
My Henna Tattoo
Thanks Alexa!

Should You Date Your Crush?

I pose this post as a question because my first mind is, no, if given the opportunity, you should absolutely not date your crush.

My reasoning?

I have had the privilege to date two of my crushes.  I'm not talking high school band geek has a crush on a jock kind of crush; these are recent "adult crushes."

My most recent was The Bouncer. (click here for "the bouncer" story)

Before that, it was this tall drink of water with green eyes and caramel skin.  Can you say, "yumm?" When I first saw him, my jaw hit the floor.  Staring is rude, but not when the object of your "rudeness" looked like him, I mean he should be used to it by now.

Fast forward a year later, yes a year, because:

     A. I was "labeled" as a girlfriend at the time
     B. He doesn't live in the same city, so I only saw him once in a while

So, anyway, a year later and my friend gives him  my number and we have a few conversations.  Now you may be able to tell that I am never at a loss for words, but the first time I heard his smooth deep voice on the phone, I think I may have blacked out for a moment. 

Eventually, the glamour wore off and thank goodness, before our friendship ever went any further.

This man had more drama then any woman I've ever known.

First, he had no kids, then he had 1, 2, 3...count them 3 kids.

Then, I found out, he was "self-medicating" because he was stressed out ( I would be stressed too if I had 3 cackling baby's mamas) ...I just thought he was REALLY laid back.  It turns out, he just didn't  have any emotions because all of his serotonin was gone.

To put the icing on this crazy cake... one night when I was staying at my friends house, he threatened to render my car inoperable, because I didn't call him to let him know that I was in his city. (I did not get the memo that he was owner of the city.)

I barely dodged that bullet.

My point is, when "Green Eyes" was my crush, it was fun; when I got to know him...not so much.

The butterflies when he looked at me and the electric sparks with just a simple light touch; feelings like that don't happen often. 

I didn't know him and his issues; I was infatuated with the idea of him.  He just didn't live up to my ideal, which led to disappointment. 

Would I date another crush?  I can't say...

Maybe 3 is a charm?...

Thursday, June 17, 2010


This is a true story:

It was one of my favorite local bars—very low key and tucked away in a corner. Perfect for a secret rendezvous because no one will find you here, unless you want them too.

The first time I went, I couldn’t get over the man at the door. Bouncers have a certain amount of power, which is attractive in any situation. They can either permit or forbid your entry. I think that’s part of the allure.

This bouncer wasn’t “H-O-T-T” per say, but he was sexy. I could definitely tell that he wasn’t from here. He had mystery about him and a nice body to top it all off-- I could tell, even through the all black “bouncer wear.”

Every time I went back we chatted and flirted and my intoxicated mind could have sworn I heard an Irish accent, which made him even sexier. I felt like I had to get to know this man. So, eventually we traded numbers.

That was on a Friday and we had our first date set for Sunday.

We met at a bar/restaurant with a very relaxed atmosphere.

 I rarely let men come to my house and pick me up…too many crazies these days.

The date actually started off really well. We had the usual “getting to know you conversation” and then like a smack in the face the red flags (for dating red flags, click here) started waving in every direction…

I excused myself to go to the bathroom, but when I came back, he was sitting on MY side of the table. He saw the confused expression on my face and his explanation was, “I wanted to be closer to you.”

I have a thing about personal space—it’s called “my bubble” and I need people to stay out of my bubble, unless invited in. This...this, man, was all in my bubble that extends an arms length on all sides and I was more than a little chagrined at this, but I decided to let it go and continue with the date.

Here is how the conversation went from there  (I’ll call him “The bouncer”…):

The Bouncer: So, why don’t you have a boyfriend? (Normal)

Me: I’m just dating right now; I'm not really ready for anything serious and I’m not even sure if I really want to stay in Ohio when I graduate from school...

The Bouncer: I’m willing to move… (What the hell?... red flag)

Me: Uhhh… I just really don’t want a boyfriend right now.

:: He leaned in closer… he could probably see the nervous perspiration forming on my nose::

The Bouncer: You just haven’t met the right one (Well it sure as hell isn’t you, weirdo… red flag). Ever since my fiancĂ© left me, I’ve just been so lonely and your so beautiful. I mean, I left everything in New Jersey for her and she dumped me when I got here.

Oh, shit… at this point, I could actually hear alarms going off.

Me: That’s umm… so sad…

(I was 99.9% sure she crossed state lines to get away from him… and he followed her…OMFG.)

The Bouncer: But now I’ve met you… (red flag)

Me: I have commitment issues.

The Bouncer: That’s just an excuse.

When someone tells you they have issues, you should back off. He was desperate, needy and trying to use me to replace his ex. No thank you, GAME OVER.

Me: ::YAWN:: Ok, well, I’m tired… I have to go to work tomorrow.

As I say this, I’m basically climbing over him and it took everything in me not to take off running to the car.

The Bouncer (chasing after me): Ok, I had great time.

Me ( standing by my car): Yeah, yeah, me too.

He runs over and leans in and tries to kiss me.

I dodge it, get in the car and turn the key.

Me: Ok, I’ll call you! Bye!

Perfect example of a possibly good date gone terribly wrong.

Now, every time I go back to the bar he works at, he gives me a hard time. This date was in February of this year and he STILL asks me why I haven’t called.

Do NOT date the bouncer… unless you plan on not going back to the place he works at…

And one more thing... the Irish accent....gone.

It wasn't a figment of my imagination because my friend heard him too, so WTF was that?

Thanks Mr. and Mrs. Candy Pants for proofing!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

5 Big Huge Dating Red Flags

What are red flags?

Red flags are statements that come up in a conversation, that when said, should make you immediately look for an exit and make a run for it...

1.  "I am the best thing that has ever happened to you..."

Besides being extremely irritating, this person's ego takes up so much space there will never be room for you.

If they are as fantastic as they say they are, you would be able to see this by spending time together, not by them telling you how great they are.

2.  "I think I could fall in love with you..."

Wait what?  We just met two days ago. 

Desperation is driving this person and will make you wish that you set up the "emergency phone call." 

Run from this psycho...fast. 

My guess is, they just got out of a relationship and want to jump right into another one.

Huge mistake, and you would be very sorry in the long run for getting on this ride.

3.  "My ex was beautiful.  My ex was smart. My ex would love this place..."

Umm, hi, its me...your date, the one your pissing off by incessantly talking about your stupid ex. 

This red flag is disturbingly obvious.

They are not over their ex. 

 In fact, if that person walked in right then, your date would come to a screeching halt. 

Don't run, tell them to call their ex and not you and gracefully make an exit.

4.  "I cheated on him/her a few times, but I've changed now."

I already know what your thinking. People change...right?  No Sherlock, they don't.  People CAN change, but they must evolve on their own, outside of a relationship and they have to want to do it. 

I know you want to help them, but you can't.  This person WILL cheat on you, they just pretty much told you they would. 

Save yourself some heartbreak, finish dinner and ignore their calls from now on.

5. "I want kids and I want to get married..."

This may or may not be a red flag. 

This person is just telling you their future plans. 

However, if you don't see marriage or children in your future, guess what?...Your not seeing a future with this person. 

Why waste your time and you don't want the same things?

 If you want to travel and live abroad, they are not the one for you. 

There are people that share the same interests and have the same goals...date them, you'll have a better relationship survival rate.

Print out and put this list in your purse/wallet and refer to when in doubt about the person you are dating...

Just kidding!

Kudos to Candy Pants for helping me with my "bloggers block" today!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The Good Guy vs The Bad Boy

Mmmm... The Bad Boy, the most appealing; at least before you get to know him.  What makes him the most irresistible?   Why do the good guys finish last almost every time? 
Maybe its the confidence he exudes, or the sex appeal that seems to be seeping out of his bad ass pores. (Yep, even his pores are bad ass.) It has to be the swagger, which is so important.  Swagger is the bread that this sandwich is made on, the lighter to the cigarette, but I digress...

As you can tell, I've been swindled by a bad boy more than once.  Well, fool me once... I am not the only one.  Its like they have magical powers on top of good looks and the gift to manipulate at will.

Who could resist?

But you must try, there is a reason that he has a bad boy rep.  He's no good for us and guess what you'll end up being: The Starter Chick.  A hurt one at that. 

Give the good guy a chance.  Sure he may be awkward, lacking swagger, and can't make you feel like the bad boy does... or can he?  A recent survey in the July 2010 issue of Cosmopolitan mag (AKA Girl Bible) says that these men are more focused on putting their partners' pleasure before their own.  Sounds good to me!  Yes, the bad boys are good for an ego boost, but its fleeting; that could end at any time. 

Moral to the story:

       BAD BOY=  Good time for the short term
       GOOD GUY= Pleasing YOU for the long run

I guess it depends on what your looking for, but remember, Bad Boys are a dime a dozen and Good Guys are rare birds, so if you get one, don't take him for granted...Happy Dating!

Benjamin, Jenny. (July 2010). 99 Hot New Sex Facts. Cosmopolitan.

Monday, June 14, 2010

If You Like It…Put a Label On It!

Gucci, Fendi, Prada, D&G, Chanel, Coach—you know…the labels. Society is obsessed with labels. They are thrown at us in the media. It’s easy to get caught up in labels because for some, they show status.

Of course, designer labels are not the titles that I am referring to. I’m talking about the “boyfriend/girlfriend” labels. In fact, it seems like there are more relationship labels than designers these days. You can be single, dating, “just friends”, in a boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship, friends with benefits (AKA f%#@ buddies), and the list can go on forever.

The question is: Are you a Gucci handbag or are you a cheap Coach knockoff…Do you know your label?

Actually, forget about labels—how about the very beginning of the relationship. You’re getting to know each other; things are great, fun, almost too easy. When does it all change? When does the easygoing pretense fall away to reveal the anxious, discontented creatures that we truly are?

Instead of those first two or three months of bliss ending with bitter and hurt feelings because both participants weren’t in it for the same reason—why not just go with the flow and see what happens?

Of course, there will come a time where you both need to know where you stand, but let it just be that simple; know where you stand—no labels needed. It could be as simple as both of you are seeing other people or being exclusive.

One last thing—I absolutely do not condone “friends with benefits”, but that’s for another post… Happy Dating!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Are You A Starter Chick?

A Starter Chick is the first one.  The first one like you that the guy your sitting across from has ever had. 

What's wrong with that? 

Nothing... if you want to teach this man how to treat you, how to talk to you, basically everything you know because he's never had a woman that was worth the effort. He doesn't have the blueprint for the starter chick.  He has no clue what makes them tick.

Eventually, you'll get tired of playing teacher and student and let him go and he'll want you back...at least until he finds someone new.  The next girl isn't the starter chick though.  At this point he knows what to do.  And guess who taught him... YOU!

Women who are starter chicks tend to fall into a pattern:

The "Starter Chick Cycle" is a hard one to break.  In order to stop being a starter chick you have to picture the man you are dating "as is", damaged goods and all,  for what and who he is-- not for what you want him to be in the future.  If you are not satisfied with who he is, don't try to change him, stop seeing him, because he is not going to change for you.

Saturday, June 12, 2010


I have a habit of learning from others mistakes-- especially when it comes to dating and relationships. Instead of watching from the sidelines, I have decided to dive in head first, take chances, and make some of my own mistakes. Not only am I going to be adventurous in dating, I am going to share my experiences with the world and offer advice along the way.

I find myself constantly complaining about dating the same type of guy and men not being up to my standards, but how can I meet new people if I continue to frequent the same places? Instead of complaining, I'm taking action and being more proactive. I do this in other areas of my life and dating should be no different.

The Date "Experiments" will be in the form of field studies, new places, new dress codes, and whatever life throws at me along the way. I'll try to do at least one "experiment" per month, but post about different dating and relationship topics each day. Any feedback, criticism, and ideas for experiments are welcome...so don't be shy, because I'm going to be as candid as possible about everything (people, places, AND things ::wink wink::).


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