Thursday, July 8, 2010

Unhappily Ever After


It's like a curse word to some people.  I feel like after someone asks me if I am in a relationship, when I tell them no, their thinking, "What's wrong with you?"

Well, look at it from my point of view.  I have been in some crappy relationships and I feel like it was because I didn't get to know the person well enough.  Hell, I didn't know myself.  The next relationship that I am in... we need to be friends first, so I can figure out if he is wired correctly and not Coo Coo for Cocoa's.

If you're not happy and comfortable with who you are, how can you give the other person what they need? It ain't gonna work.

People do not change while in a relationship, they have to evolve on their own.  I also refuse to carry any hard feelings from one relationship to the other; I just take what I have learned and keep it moving.

As for those people who look at me stupid when I tell them that I am single....you can bite glass, because nothing is wrong with me, but something sure as shit might be wrong with you. 

If you feel like you have to be in a relationship all the time or that you're not a "whole person" without a significant other, you got issues.

Let me "Dr. Phil" it for you...

One relationship to the next; one right after the other, almost no time in between, but it seems like you are dating the same person.  You attract "the same type of people" over and over?  OR...

You stay in a relationship, no matter how bad the other person treats you and put up with all the bullshit they put you through.  You are staying because you got "comfortable."

It isn't OK to be alone, but it's OK to be miserable WITH someone?  Really, where did this ass backwards philosophy come from?

You can't even stand yourself long enough to be alone for more than a month at a time, but you want to make someone else in your life miserable because YOU don't even like YOU?!

This is not a healthy pattern folks.

I am single because I choose to be.  Single to me means that I don't take bullshit and I have standards.  I have an unwillingness to settle and I demand respect.  The person who ends up with me, should feel privileged that I let him into my life.  Everyone should feel like that...it is not arrogant or conceited; if you don't love you, how can you expect someone else to love you?

Since I have taken the time to know myself and be content with who I am as a person, I have something meaningful to put into a relationship, when I choose to be in one.

So don't let anyone put you down or make you think something is wrong with you because you choose NOT to live unhappily ever after.  If they are happy in their relationship, great for them, but don't let them make you feel inadequate.

Single ladies put your middle fingers up to the haters because we are the shit!

P.S.  Send in your dating stories, advice, questions, comments to: thedateexperiment@gmail.com


TJ Lubrano said...

Haha! I probably shouldn't laugh because that was seriously an awkward situation! But you wrote it down brilliantly :)

I really like your blog & wish you lots of fun adventures while exploring the world of dating! I'll be definitely tagging along!


Jazz Stanton said...

Laughing is perfectly fine...I am here for your entertainment...LOL! Thanks for visiting!

christina said...

I like this a lot.

i'm married but loved being single and i really think women shouldn't be so damn insecure about it. it's fun!

good blog :)

nothingprofound said...

One is always single, even in a relationship. You don't stop being yourself, just because you love somebody

Jazz Stanton said...

@nothingprofound... That is so true. There are those that seem to "lose themselves" when they are in a relationship, trying to be someone they think the other person wants them to be.

timethief said...

I think your post contains some good advice and wisdom too. I heard wisdom in this statement:

I also refuse to carry any hard feelings from one relationship to the other; I just take what I have learned and keep it moving.

I'm' an independent type. I pretty much say what to say, when I want to say it, and to whom I want to say it. However, as I have aged I have found there's far more power in remaining silent and walking away than there is in making strong statements that may be openers for argument.

timethief said...

I decided to post a second comment. I think you raised an important issue in the post. Being single is not a curse and remaining in a bad relationship is not an act that anyone should be admired for.

Remaining in a bad relationship does not demonstrate respect for yourself or the other person either. It simply demonstrates that you gave up on yourself.

It's by far healthier to value your life (a precious gift) and leave a bad relationship. Then you still have self respect and the opportunity to live your life in relationship with those who respect you and grant you the freedom to become the best you that you can be.

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