Cry Me a River...

I had actually forgotten about this date, but Jen from Party Girl Plus One sort of "reminded" me when I was watching one of her videos.

As bad as this date was, it is no wonder it was buried in the dark and dreary recesses of my subconscious. Well, enjoy...

My friends and I were having the usual "Girl's Night Out" one Saturday and this guy approaches me; we talk for a while about random shit...the only thing I really remember from that conversation is that he called me beautiful (he obviously has GREAT taste...3 points for him!).

I got really good vibes from him; he was well dressed all the way down to the shoes, nice body (yay for muscles!) and he smelled REALLY good...(I love it when a man wears great cologne, it is a HUGE turn on and it means they pay attention to details.)

He called me a couple days later and we had an awesome conversation.  He was smart, educated, and funny-- we ended up talking for like two hours.  I didn't want it to end, but I had to work in the morning.

Before the call was over, he asked me out on a date for that Saturday.

Fast forward to Saturday...

We were going to go out to eat and catch a movie, but it was cold, rainy and downright depressing...(normal, shitty Ohio weather.)  So we decide to have a movie night in... I just threw on an Aeropostale t-shirt and some snug fitting jeans and went to his house.

The movie completely sucked big ones, so we start talking.  At first, it's just normal conversation, but then he starts talking about past relationships and I'm like, "Here we go..."

I actually managed to redirect the conversation to something else, but then he started getting all philosophical and shit. Which is fine...whatever...but then this guy's eyes started tearing up: (We'll just call him "Cry Baby", CB for short."

CB: I mean the past two years have been really rough...

Me: Really...? (Zzzzzz)

CB: Yeah, I had a great job and I wasn't happy.  It was too stressful, I thought being a financial advisor was what I wanted, but it just isn't for me.

Me: Wait, you had a job?  (Why me?)

CB: (Sniffle)  Yeah, but I think everyone should just do what makes them happy. (Where does this dude live, fucking Candyland?...Seriously?)

Me: Well, how long did you work there?

CB: 3 months. (Wow, can you say commitment phobia?) 

Me: So, you just quit.  Like, one day, you said, "Hey, I don't want to be here anymore! I QUIT F**KERS!" ???

Side note: Now, I am all for spontaneity, but this is real life. I absolutely HATE my job, but I need it to reach my goals. If you're going to do some shit like this, I need you to have a back-up plan.  That is all.

CB: (In full blown cry mode at this point.) See, (sniff) that's what you women do, you just judge, without trying to understand.

Me: I am not judging, but apparently you aren't happy with your decision either....You.  Are. Crying. (and freaking me out.)

CB: I'm just sens(sniff)itive. I just felt I could share things with you.  (Not your nasty ass snot, Bozo.)

Me: Oh. (Whatever, call me a stone-cold bitch if you want, but WTF was I supposed to say? I'm not good with criers.)

CB: But, I have a plan. (Oh yeah?)

Me: Oh yeah?  

CB: Yes, I am going to be a clothing designer. (He says this as he "nonchalantly" wipes snot on my shoulder.)

Me: A...designer... (Not only was he crying, but at this point, I thought he was gay too.)

CB: I just love fashion...want to see my new Louis Vuitton wallet? (Yep...gay.)

Me: OK, well good thing you have a back-up plan...good luck with that.  I hate to cut the night short, but I have homework and stuff.  So...see ya.

You see what I did there?  That was an escape sentence...it means, "I want to leave, right now."  He didn't take the hint...he talked for like another hour or so.  I say HE talked, because he was pretty much talking to himself...I might as well have been a wall. 

 All I did was nod and smile.  Eventually, I said I had to go to the bathroom, and my plan was to just go for the EXIT, since I had taken my purse and coat with me (yes, I planned my escape.)

To my complete and utter horror, he was waiting for me outside the door.  He lunged for me and tried to kiss me! 

That was when I figured he wasn't gay, but I couldn't help but wonder at what point in this date he thought that I would have been turned on?

The crying?  The lack of initiative to keep a job? The chronic complaining he just did for 4 hours? 

Yeah baby, that's HOTT!...

Ummm...NOT... I nearly kicked him in his meatballs trying to escape.

Yes, ladies and gents, I made him cry on the first date.  I didn't know how to react to this rush of emotion.  I mean I am all for guys showing their "softer" side, but for Snookie's sake, really? 

Needless to say, the Cry Baby and I have not been on another date.  He kept calling for a awhile and then resorted to stalking me on F**kfacebook. 

Thanks for reading another one of my heinous dating stories and feel free to send me your own stories, questions or advice (or if you're just pitiful and lonely)  @ thedateexperiment@gmail.com.

P.S.  Jennifer Dawson of Party Girl Plus One, in all her awesomeness, wrote about my blog on her video series web page, check out what she said by clicking here!