Friday, August 13, 2010

Chicks Before Dicks... (Caribana Part 2)

Like I have said a million times already, Toronto was great...

However, when you are traveling with others, something is almost always guaranteed to go wrong. That's why I usually only travel with one or two people because, more BITCHES means more problems. 
Sometimes, even traveling with ONE other person is an issue, especially when both have different reasons for going...

After a twelve hour bus trip to Toronto (it would have only been 8, but we got held on the border because some idiot on the bus didn't have her passport), we arrive at the bus station. 

I had already checked and was aware that we were only about a five minute walking distance from the hotel, but who the hell wants to do that with luggage?

I was ready to catch a cab or rather, they were ready to catch ME, when my friend, Jacky says that she is calling her friend to come and get us.  I'm like, OK, whatever...call him.  I figured it was just a coincidence that he was downtown.  She was on the phone, yelling over all the city noise, trying to tell him where we were located, while I was looking for him to drive up in a car.

Jacky: Oh, there he is
Me: *Looking up and down the street* Uhh, where?
Jacky: *Pointing* Right there!... Hey Baby! (Baby?)
Me: Well why the hell is he walking?? I mean is he literally going to carry us to the hotel??
Jacky: Oh, he doesn't have a car...
Me: So, why is he meeting us here?
Jacky: He's my boyfriend...be nice Jazz!
I just stood there with a stunned look on my face as they smooched in the middle of downtown giggling like long lost friends...

This was not what I signed up for...this was supposed to be a drunken, rock out with your cock out!, girls gone wild, and eventually BLACK OUT type of weekend.  Who the hell wants to be a third wheel? I am in no sense of the word a "cock-blocker", but the bitch could have made this trip by herself.

I took a deep breath and asked him how we were getting to the hotel.  He took both of our bags and headed towards a cab. Don't they have bellboys AT the hotel? He completely could have met us later on.

He paid for the cab and we go upstairs to our room.  We all just sit there for an awkward moment.

Me: Well, this is interesting.
Jacky: This is Damien.
Me: Well, hello Damien...where are you staying this weekend?
Jacky: Jazz!
Damien: I live downtown.
Me: OK...I don't know about you two, but I'm hungry and in need of a shower, so I'm going to do that now.
Jacky: Then we can all go eat.
Me: Riiiiight
 As I take a shower and get dressed, I resolved to make the best of the situation. I called out Jacky's name to discuss the eating issue, because it was getting SERIOUS.  Grisham, the fat man that I am sure lives inside my body, was pissed that there was no food intake for the last 18 hours.  

I got no answer from Jacky, so I walk into the living area. There was no one in the room. Both these assholes had left me!

I started texting:

Me: Ummm... where are you?
Jacky: We just went for a walk...
Me: OK, how about you come back so WE can all get something to eat...
No answer...20 minutes pass...
Me: Hello????
Jacky: Hi, what do you want to eat? Damien said he would pay for it.
Me: How the fuck am I supposed to know? I'm in a different COUNTRY? Why don't you come back so we can all go?
No answer... 30 minutes...at this point I am seeing RED. Pissed. I could have bitten someone.
Jacky: We went to get drinks...
Me: Really BITCH? We're in CANADA, I have no CANADIAN MONEY and you leave me in a room by MYSELF for that ugly Nike knock-off wearin' piece of shit?
Hey, I can get really ugly when I'm hungry. There was no answer, I texted about 30 obscenities and still no answer.  I turned on the TV, watched it for about an hour and then I started packing my stuff.  

Why should I stay? My plan was to get my money back from Jacky for the hotel and the bus and catch the FIRST thing smoking back to Ohio.

Another hour passed...

And another...

I hear the card key in the door...

I had put the security lock across the door, so it caught when she opened it.  I pushed the door closed, snatched the security lock off and violently pulled the door open. They both almost fell into the room.

Me: Bitch, give my money for the hotel AND the bus. I'm buying a ticket home!
Jacky: I'm sorry, we walked really far to go to the liquor store.  I bought a bottle for us! *She pulled out a bottle of Bombay Sapphire*
What do I drink? Right. Tequila. Do you think I would travel without Jose Cuervo?  Never! Jacky knew this!
Me: Who the fuck drinks that? It took THREE hours to walk to the store? This is a city...you could have caught a cab, a trolley, a bus...
Jacky: I'm  SO sorry! Don't go home, I want to have fun this weekend.  We can go get something to eat now. Damien said he'll buy it.
Grisham wasn't going to pass on a deal like that.  We walk about 15 minutes, passing McDonald's, about twenty Sushi Queens, Subway and come to a Jamaican restaurant.

I've never eaten Jamaican food.  I asked was Oxtail really Oxtail, or did it stand for something else?

Damien orders me something called Shrimp Roti after I told him my stipulations of no beef, no pork, and NO OX.  We were told our food would take about 20 minutes...

When the food was bagged, Damien paid, I thanked him, grabbed it and start towards the door.  I hear Jacky order two beers. I stopped in my tracks and turned around.
Me: You sat there for TWENTY minutes and decide NOW that you want a beer?
Jacky: Me and Damien wanted to drink them with our food. 
Waiter: You can't take those out of here... 
Damien: OK, we'll just drink them really quick and head back to the hotel. 
Me: Hell no!  YOU guys can stay, I haven't eaten in damn near 24 hours you inconsiderate bastards...I'm going back to the hotel!
I stomped out, carrying all the food. This was turning out to be a shitty weekend and we had only been in Toronto for 6 hours!  I'm doing my mad walk down the street and the anger dissipates, leaving a sense of disorientation.

Yep, I was lost!

All the hotels seemed to look just alike, the street signs meant absolutely nothing... since there were a MILLION Sushi places, those all looked alike too.  I just kept walking, I didn't even know the name of the street the hotel was on. 

I take my phone out and hit Google Maps... and then remembered...No. 3G. In. Canada. As I'm cursing my phone out, a shadow looms over me and I hear footsteps falling into place with mine. 

Oh shit... now I'm going to get mugged, beaten and left for dead all because of that bitch Jacky and her asshole boyfriend? 

I slowly look over and was startled by a very tall, very cute man, with light brown eyes smiling down at me...

He said with an island accent, "Hi, I'm TJ"...


Hey, I know I just Prime Time TV, leave me hangin'd you.  Guess you'll just have to come back to see what happens next in: Caribana Part 3: Do You Believe in Magic?

Toodles Biatches!

P.S. If you missed Caribana Part 1



TJ Lubrano said...

OMG! OMG! OMG! Cliffhanger!! Jazz!! I wanna know the rest please!! But man, that is unbelievable what she did. Wasn't there a way to tell you beforehand that she was meeting up with her BF?

But okay moving on! Sooo he's name is TJ huh? Can't go wrong there ;)

I'll be staying tuned!!

Ciaoo Xx

Jazz Stanton said...

She said she had a friend in Toronto, but never said that it was her BOYFRIEND. She probably knew I wouldn't have gone! Yes his initials are TJ...lol! What a coincidence! I'll tell you more about him next time...

Anonymous said...

Dude, I'm glad i don't have friends like that lol. Looking forward to the continuation :p TJ sounds like a gentleman, the island men I encounter never introduce themselves that politely, it's usally a "pssst" or "hey sexy" or something like that, so i'm liking TJ already :p

Jazz Stanton said...

Hey Boo! Yeah Jacky and I are no longer friends. I've known her for 5 years now and I just couldn't believe the switch she pulled.

Yes, TJ is VERY polite...lol.

timethief said...

That was the behavior of "a friend"? She's an inconsiderate self absorbed boich and you did right to dump her. Now, tell me the rest of the story ... I'm eager to hear it. ;)

Jess said...

First, your friend sucks ass. I'd be totally pissed, too.

Second, you bitch! How could you just leave us hanging like that? I'm crying foul!

:) Good story though. Can't wait to read the rest!

PrincessBeks said...

i have had friends like this but never done it to me in a foreign country, she owes you big time. i'm totally gripped so want to hear the next part :)

Emma Murty said...

I would have slapped that bitch silly or poured an entire bottle of shampoo in her luggage but that may just be the Hamilton (hometown) in me, lol. Can't wait for part two babes.

Traci66 said...

Thanks for following me. I am following you too.

Opto-Mom said...

Oh that sucks! I totally would have stolen all of her clothes and left her ass in Canada! Wasn't Damien the son of the devil in The Omen? hmmmmmm

I'll be following your blog because you left us with a cliffhanger....you sneaky, sneaky girl! Check out mine too!

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